My Story of Military Sexual Trauma - And Why I created Healing Women Veterans

This is the hardest story I’ve ever told. But it’s also the story that shaped every part of my life and ultimately gave birth to Healing Women Veterans.

I am a survivor of Military Sexual Trauma (MST).

I was just 18 and about to enter the military. I was so excited for this opportunity and looked forward to the future. I volunteered at my recruiter's office as part of my enlistment into the Delayed Entry Program (DEP). One day, we were preparing for an event with other DEP recruits. My recruiter needed to pick something up from his home for the event. I went with him. What I didn't know was there wasn't anything at his home he needed to get. He wanted to be alone with me. It was in his home he assaulted me. I froze. It was the only thing I knew to do. He was my recruiter and the person who held the key to me getting into the military.

After the assault, I tried to get out of my commitment with the military. My father, a Marine Veteran, talked me into moving forward. He didn't know what happened and there was no way I was going to disappoint him, so I kept quiet. I pushed forward, but the hardest part was I still had to see my recruiter at least once a month until I went to basic training. I was fearful and was full of feelings of shame. I kept asking myself, "What did I do to give him the impression he could do that to me?" "What could I have done to make it stop?" Every time I saw him, he acted as if nothing happened, but I was screaming inside.

I finally went to Basic Training and felt immense relief to be away from my recruiter. I finally felt safe. I pushed forward and threw myself into my training to keep from thinking about what happened. I did what my instructors told me and I excelled. I even had the opportunity to be a squad leader because my instructors felt I displayed leadership qualities. I was so proud of myself. After the 6-week training completed, I graduated and moved onto my next training location. Tech school was a little more relaxed. We lived in dorms and I shared a room with another Airman. It felt like I had finally become an adult and I could make the decisions for my life. I was excited.

One weekend, we were granted liberty to where we could leave the base. One of my classmates and I left base, got hotel rooms and went out to enjoy ourselves. It also happened to be Spring Break. My classmate and I went to the beach, along with some of our other classmates. We were having a great time, listening to music, drinking, and swimming in the ocean. At one point, a group of Navy Sea Bees joined us. They were TDY for training.

Because I had way too much to drink, I needed to go back to my hotel room. My classmate wanted to stay behind so one of the Sea Bees volunteered to make sure I got back to the hotel safely. When we reached my room, he followed me inside. He said he would stay to ensure I was ok. I didn't want him to stay but he was insistent. Not giving it another thought, I went to bed and passed out. When I woke up, he was next to me sleeping. I was very hungover and confused. I knew I had asked him to leave. It was at this point I realized I no longer had clothes on. He had assaulted me while I was passed out. I was absolutely crushed but I was also very angry.

I woke him up and yelled at him to get out. I told him he did not have permission to do what he did. Of course, he said I consented, but I had no memory of it. Once again, I had been violated by a fellow servicemember. I couldn't believe I let it happen again. I told my classmate, but I asked her to say nothing to anyone else. She kept my secret.

Fast forward to my first duty station. I was married to another military servicemember. He was someone who liked me during high school. I thought he was annoying and told him to leave me alone, but things changed between us. We were happy the first year of our marriage and we even had our first baby. However, I started suffering from deep depression. The nightmares and intrusive thoughts about the assaults were becoming too much to bear. But I couldn't tell my husband. I knew he would bring it to light to vindicate me, but I didn't want that attention or to make waves, so I kept quiet.

We started to have problems with our marriage because I was withdrawing from everything. He didn't understand what was going on or what I was going through, and we talked of divorce. Then, one day, he was deployed to the Middle East for Desert Shield/Desert Storm. I was shattered. I was left alone with a brand-new baby, in a town with no friends, no family, no support, and struggling with the trauma I experienced. A couple months after he left, I had to take the first PT test after I had my baby. I failed. I felt defeated but knew I would pass the next time. I guess my NCOIC saw my demeanor and thought he would take advantage of the situation. He was the one administering the test. He told me he could pass me and change the time on the sheet.....if.... I couldn't believe he did that! Do I just have a sign on my forehead that reads, "Target"? I refused and left. At this point, I was done. I had already been through way too much with the past assaults. I needed to report this harassment.

I reported what happened to my supervisor (another woman). What happened afterwards shook me to my core. I was not believed. In fact, I was the one who was punished. I received a counseling letter for falsification of government records. You see, this NCO passed me anyway and then claimed I changed the paperwork while he wasn't looking. It was his word against mine. There were no witnesses to back my truth. They moved the NCO to a different office, but he received no punishment. However, my every mistake was documented, and my personal life off duty was under a microscope. I went from being a super trooper and receiving awards to being a troublemaker and pathological liar (my Commander's words in my records). I couldn't do anything right.

Between being assaulted, the harassment and the treatment I was receiving from not only my supervisor, but also my First Sergeant and Commander, I was hitting bottom. I was being silenced and shoved under the rug. I asked my Commander to let me out of the service. I didn't want to be there anymore with people who were against me for something that wasn't my fault. I was deeply depressed and under an immense amount of stress, so my Commander ordered a Mental Health evaluation. I went as ordered and diagnosed with major depression. The doctor prescribed Pamelor but I refused to take any medication because I needed to be able to take care of my 7-month-old child. However, the doctor reported my refusal to my Commander, I was threatened with disciplinary action. I had no choice but to take them as ordered.

Shortly after visiting mental health, I called my husband (who was still deployed) from the telephone in the office. I was given a control number by the Commander's Secretary, however, my Commander saw my calls and used that as another opportunity to punish me. He gave me an Article 15 for theft of government property. It was there, the Commander threatened me with correctional custody. Soon after, I was reporting to my supervisor that I had thoughts of suicide. I couldn't take anymore. I spent a week in a Psych Ward and then was kicked out of the military two weeks later. I didn't receive an Honorable discharge. What I received was, instead, a General discharge (under honorable conditions) but with a comment at the bottom of my DD214, "Misconduct - Pattern of Minor Disciplinary Infractions". I felt absolutely defeated and betrayed by those who were supposed have my back.

For years, I hid that truth behind strength, silence, and the belief that if I stayed quiet, maybe the pain would eventually fade. But it didn’t. It followed me long after I took off the uniform. It lived in my body, my mind, my relationships, and my sense of who I was.

Thing is, I know I’m not the only one.

So many women veterans carry this same invisible wound — terrified to speak it out loud, terrified to be judged, terrified not to be believed. This blog is for every one of you who has ever felt alone.

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When Military Sexual Trauma Happens, It Changes Everything

When the assault and harassment happened, I felt my world crack open. One moment I believed I was safe within my ranks — the next I was questioning everything I’d ever trusted.

I didn’t report the assault the way I should have.

I regret reporting the harassment even though I know I was doing the right thing.

I didn’t have the support I needed.

I didn’t have the words.

And for a long time, I told myself it was easier to pretend I was “okay” than to admit how deeply my life had changed.

But the truth?

Military Sexual Trauma affected everything.

• My sleep

• My confidence

• My ability to trust

• My relationships

• My sense of identity

• My mental and emotional health

I became a master at functioning while falling apart inside. I survived — but I never actually healed.

And if you’re a woman veteran reading this right now, maybe you know exactly what that feels like.

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The Breaking Point — and the Beginning of My Healing

Healing didn’t come in a single moment. It came in waves — some gentle, some violent.

There were days I couldn’t get out of bed.

Nights I was afraid to close my eyes.

Moments when I questioned whether my pain mattered or whether I was “strong enough” to deal with it.

But eventually, the weight of silence became heavier than the fear of speaking.

I started therapy (several times)

I faced the parts of my story I had avoided for years. I even told my father.

I filed my VA disability claim for MST — something I never thought I’d have the courage to do.

And slowly, I realized something powerful:

I deserved healing. I deserved support. I deserved to be believed. And so do you.

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The Truth That Broke My Heart

As I went through my healing journey and VA claim process, I began meeting more and more women veterans with stories just like mine.

Women who had been assaulted or harassed.

Women who were dismissed or blamed.

Women who didn’t know how to file an MST claim.

Women who felt ashamed of pain they never asked for.

Women who were drowning in silence because the system was never built to support them.

And the more I listened, the more I realized:

My story wasn’t just mine. It was ours.

I saw a community of warriors who needed a place to feel seen, guided, and supported — without judgment, without shame, without fear.

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Why I Created Healing Women Veterans

I created this platform because I never want another woman veteran to feel invisible.

Healing Women Veterans is my promise — to myself and to every woman who has survived military sexual trauma — that we will not walk this road alone again.

This website exists because:

• MST survivors deserve compassion

• Women veterans deserve specialized support

• Filing a VA disability claim shouldn’t feel overwhelming

• Healing should feel possible — not impossible

• Our voices deserve to be heard

This space is filled with the things I wish I had years ago:

guidance, resources, emotional support, step-by-step tools, and a community that understands trauma without needing an explanation.

Healing Women Veterans is more than a website.

It’s a movement.

A safe haven.

A reminder that your story matters — even if the military never acknowledged it, even if the world tried to silence it.

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To Every Woman Veteran Reading This

If you are surviving military sexual trauma…If you are struggling emotionally, spiritually, or physically…If you feel lost, isolated, ashamed, or unsure where to start…

This space was created for you.

You are not alone.

You are not to blame.

You are not broken.

And you are absolutely capable of healing — no matter how long it has been, no matter what anyone told you.

Your story didn’t end with the trauma.

Your story begins with your healing.

And I’m here — walking this path with you, every step of the way.